Frequently Asked Questions

Most newly engaged couples don't know what the process is when they first contact their potential celebrant - here are some tips about what to expect.

I follow my own standard procedure whenever a new bride and groom contact me. It's my way of ensuring that they get all of the required information, and that we complete all of the necessary tasks in a timely manner, without it becoming too overwhelming. Some of the steps along the way are required by the legislation or the Marriage Celebrants' Code of Practice, others are just things I think are simply the best way to conduct my business. I've chosen to mark the things that are legally required with an asterisk (*) so that you'll know to expect nothing less from any celebrant.

 1. Your initial call or email. This is always exciting for me. I love hearing from new couples. In your initial contact with me I'll get some details from you. Most importantly, your wedding date so that I can check my calendar. I'll happily answer any questions you might have at this point but I'll try not to overload you with information.

 2. Initial chat, cuppa or pint at the pub. When we first talk I'll arrange with you to meet and have a talk about your wedding, your ideas and your questions. The express purpose of this meeting is so that you have a chance to meet me and decide if I'm the right person to conduct your wedding ceremony. This is really important, your wedding should express who you are and if you don't "click" with me then that's okay. It's a very personal choice. I generally ask that you let me know within two weeks of our meeting whether or not you'd like to book with me. During this time, I'll hold your date but it is completely obligation free.

 3. Make a booking. When you make your booking, I'll put a permanent hold on your wedding date and we'll make a time to complete the Notice of Intended Marriage (sometimes referred to as the NOIM or Notice).

 4. NOIM * & Deposit. At the time of completing the Notice, I'll ask for a deposit. We'll fill out this first piece of official paperwork and I'll need to sight your original birth certificates, some photo ID and (if applicable) your evidence for the termination of your previous marriage. The Notice must be completed at least a month prior to your wedding day but no more than 18 months. At this time I'll also make a booklet available to you that will help you with ideas and options for your wedding ceremony.

 5. Drafting your ceremony. Different couples like different levels of involvement from their celebrant in the writing of their ceremony. Some choose to work through the ideas themselves, making changes where necessary, then send me a complete draft. Other couples send me through some relatively sketchy ideas and I'll create a ceremony from that and still others choose to sit down and work through it all with me there. Most of the time (except in the last example), we draft the ceremony via emails and there's no real need to meet up again. BUT, if you want to sit down and go through it, I'm more than happy to do that.

 6. Rehearsal * & Declaration. Most couples choose to have a rehearsal even if it's just standing in the backyard and going over the lines in front of the dog. My advice is that if you have attendants (groomsmen, bridesmaids, page boys and flower girls) then it's a good idea to have a rehearsal so that everyone knows where they are to stand and what they have to do—this is particularly important when children are involved so they aren't overly concerned about knowing what to do on the day, it can be a bit overwhelming for them sometimes. If you have people reading during your ceremony, it's a great idea of they can be there too. At your rehearsal you'll also need to sign the Declaration (another piece of official paperwork). If you choose not to have a rehearsal (some couples do), we'll still need to catch up sometime in the two weeks before the wedding so that the Declaration can be signed.

 7. Your Wedding. * On your wedding day, I'll be at the venue a half hour prior to the scheduled start time (the Code of Practice states 20 minutes*). In this time, I'll calm the nervous, set up any of my gear and generally make sure all of the things we need for the ceremony are in place—I've had to organise a table cloth for a signing table and talk a mother-of-the-bride down from the edge of a near-nervous breakdown. Generally, though, it's all smooth sailing and I stand around saying hello to the guests as they turn up and talking to the groom and his groomsmen while we wait for the bride to arrive. When the bride is there and ready to make her entrance, I generally ask everyone to take their positions and stand for the arrival of the bride.

 8. Lodging your paperwork. * By law, your celebrant has 14 days to lodge your paperwork with the Birth, Deaths and Marriages Register of the state in which the wedding took place but I tend to post it on the Monday immediately after your wedding day. You can apply straight away to have your official marriage certificate issued to you by Births, Deaths and Marriage and once the paperwork I have sent is processed, they will do so. (This is what you need to do if you wish to change your surname after you are married.)

So, that's it in a nutshell. If you're concerned about what to expect from your celebrant you can read the Code of Practice on the Attorney General's website by clicking here.

Good luck and happy wedding planning.

The following elements of a wedding ceremony are those commonly included. When we meet to discuss and develop your unique celebration, you can select from these, and more. Listed in BOLD are the elements that legally must be included but otherwise you are free to remove or add sections to create a ceremony that reflects exactly what you want from your day.

 Introduction/Welcome

 Monitum (Celebrant Authority)
I am duly authorised by law to solemnise marriages according to law. Before you, [bride] and [groom], are joined in marriage, in my presence and in the presence of these witnesses, I am to remind you of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship into which you are about to enter. Marriage, according to law in Australia, is the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.

 Presentation of bride/groom/both (Giving Away) or Asking for Parents’ Blessing

 Reading

 The Asking

 Vows (which must include but are not limited to the following)
I [call upon/ask] the [persons/people] here present to witness that I, [bride] take [thee/you], [groom] to be my lawful wedded [husband/spouse].

 Ring Ceremony

 Declaration of Marriage

 Kiss

 Signing the Register & Certificate

 Invitation to Congratulate the Couple

When you come to see me for our first official meeting, we will discuss ideas for your ceremony but we will also complete some important paperwork. The Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM) form must be completed at least one month and one day before you are married (but can be completed up to eighteen months before your wedding day). In order for us to complete this form you will need the following:

If you are an Australian citizen

 your birth certificate or extract of an official register that shows your date and place of birth

If you are not an Australian citizen

 your birth certificate or extract of an official register that shows your date and place of birth
 OR a passport issued by a government of an overseas country, showing your date and place of birth

If you have been married before and divorced

 a divorce certificate If you have been married before and your spouse has passed away a death certificate

If your name is not the same as that on your birth certificate

 a certificate of name change
 OR a previous marriage certificate

There are many interesting additions you can make to your ceremony to tailor it to your beliefs, interests, heritage and style.

Handfasting Ceremony
This is a medieval Celtic tradition that involves the couple holding hands while a cord is tied loosely around their hands to represent their binding commitment to each other. Traditionally, the couple then release their hands and the cord is tied in three strong knots and placed into a bag as a wedding keepsake. This tradition is the origin of the phrase, “tying the knot”.

Throwing Stones
In this ancient traditional Irish ceremony, the couple and their guests all throw a stone into the sea/lake/well as a Celtic blessing is read, and they all offer their best wishes that the marriage has the strength of the elements of the earth. (The couple must provide the stones.)

Circling the Fire
In Hindu traditions the couple may perform the Agni Pradakshina or Circling the Fire. Fire is sacred to the Hindu tradition as it represents a manifestation of Agni, the fire god, who is asked to witness the wedding. A Cherokee bride and groom are also married in the presence of a sacred fire.

Circling Each Other
Traditionally, a Jewish bride would circle her husband to be seven times before joining him under the chupah. This signifies the seven days of creation but also the seven wedding blessings. Couples today often choose to circle each other the show their equality in the relationship.

Ring Warming Ceremony
The rings are passed through the guests and each person holds them in order to say a blessing/make a prayer/imbue the rings with their wishes for the couple before the ring exchange ceremony.

Ribbon of Love
A long ribbon is extended through the quests. Each person loops it around a wrist before passing it on. The groom holds one end and the bride holds the other, linking everyone present before rings are exchanged or a hand fasting.

Build your bouquet
Each guest holds a long stemmed flower and, forming a guard of honour, gives them to the bride as she arrives to create her bouquet. The groom provides a ribbon to tie the flowers when she arrives at his side – lovely symbol of everyone being part of the lives of the couple as well as the bride and groom working together.

Sand Ceremony
Using different coloured sands, representing the lives of both the bride and groom, the couple fills a vase call the Unity Vase as they exchange their vows.

Unity Candle
The couple has a candle each lit and burning during the ceremony. During the Candle Ceremony, the bride and groom take their respective candles and together light the unity candle together to represent their joined lives and the light of their love for each other.

Cherokee Blanket Ceremony
At the beginning of a Cherokee wedding, the bride and groom are each draped in a blue blanket. Later, the blankets are removed and are replaced by a single white blanket which represents that they are officially married.

If the usual fanfare involved in a wedding isn't your style you might be interested in these ideas, hints and tips from couples who have eloped or celebrated their love with a surprise wedding.

Avoiding the Hoopla – eloping and surprise weddings

For some couples, the grand wedding fanfare does not thrill them to the toenails. Some, because of their relaxed attitudes, don't want all the fuss and some don't want to be the centre of attention in the way that a bride and groom will be on a more typical wedding day. If this sounds like you, you might want to consider eloping or holding a surprise wedding. Both of these options have some logistic and emotional hazards that might need navigating but according to the couple I spoke to, an elopement or surprise wedding can be just as special, heartfelt and memorable as a more traditional wedding. If not more so.

Eloping
Natasha and Adam chose to elope because they both dislike being the centre of attention. Amanda and Seth did so to avoid the usual "hoopla" and potential arguments. Both couples expressed the wish to avoid the fuss and anxiety usually associated with weddings. According to Amanda, she had seen friends' plans to keep things simple go south and who "ended up in tears on the day because some old relative had said something not so nice about what they had worked so hard to achieve." Both couples mentioned the fact that your wedding day should be about your relationship and your love, not about other people's opinions of how you should celebrate it. Natasha and Adam's advice is to keep this in mind as you plan your private celebration. Amanda also advises that an elopement is only suitable if you both agree and nobody is going to have regrets after the fact.

Secret Weddings
Similar to the reasons given by our eloping couples were those expressed by the couples who planned surprise weddings. Jodie and Carl got people together under the guise of a combined engagement and 30th birthday party; little did the guests know they were also gathered together for the actual wedding. Jodie explains: "...we wanted to get married but we didn't want all the fuss that surrounds the lead up to a wedding—advice, opinions and arguments (these were sure to come as we had no plans to do anything traditional)" Bronte and Will intended to surprise their engagement party guests with a wedding because it suited their easy-going personalities and because they simply were not interested in having two events for what they saw as the one celebration. To Bronte, it was "convenient and appropriate" for their families who are spread throughout Australia, "...it didn't make sense to make them travel twice." They also liked to idea of surprising their family and friends but most people had guessed what they were up to before the ceremony started. Both couples who had surprise weddings felt that they stayed true to who they are by organizing their wedding in this way. As Jodie said: "I enjoyed planning it the way I wanted to without feeling obliged to fulfill other friends' and family members' ideas on what we should do."

Pitfalls and Backlash
So, what are the drawbacks of eloping or having a surprise wedding? The four couples discussed above said there were a range of responses from their family and friends... and not all of them positive. Some people were upset at having been left out of the loop and, in the cases of the surprise weddings; some guests who elected not to attend were upset that they had, in fact, missed more than a party. Some guests were late and therefore missed the ceremony and they would have made a bigger effort to be there on time had they known. In general though, all four couples said they were greeted with heartfelt congratulations because the people who love them were happy that they were happy. Regardless of a few negatives, all of the couples said they would do it the same thing if they had their time again. "On the whole, most people understood our decision and to be honest I'm not that concerned if they were disappointed because it was a day for myself and my partner." (Adam)

Things to Consider when planning to Elope or have a Surprise Wedding
The "how" of organizing something as important as a wedding while keeping it a secret may be a little taxing for some. If you're not good with secrets there are a few of things you can do:

1. Tap into the excitement and romance of you and your partner having a secret from the rest of the world.

2. Talk beforehand and agree if you're going to tell anybody and when – it could cause some friction if the groom feels guilty because he just lied to his Grandma when the bride has spilled the secret to her best friend.

3. You'll need to stay strong; you're in this together. This is especially pertinent if any of your savvy family or friends is likely to guess what you're up to. Discuss what you're going to do if anybody questions you directly. What's your cover story going to be, or will you just come clean if you're actually caught out?

4. In the interest of keeping the secret, make sure that your celebrant and all of the other professions involved in your day know what you're up to. That way they'll know not to leave an answering machine message that blows your cover if you listen to it when your cousin is over for a cuppa.

5. It's important to note that an elopement or surprise wedding might take less organizing than a larger, more public affair but as for the legalities, it is no different. The Notice of Intended Marriage must still be completed, signed and lodged with your celebrant at least a month and a day prior to your wedding date. You'll also still need two adult witnesses but if you don't want to invite anyone, your celebrant should be able to provide these people for you.

6. If you're planning a surprise wedding, think about how you're going to get people together. An engagement party is the obvious foil but if you're worried about people not arriving on time you night want to consider staging a fake surprise party for your partner. That way everyone should be in place and "hiding" in your house/venue when you arrive and turn the surprise back on them.

7. Be prepared also, that your celebrant might charge a fee for a situation outside the norm if you ask them to hang around and not start the ceremony until everyone is there. (Why? Because s/he won't be able to take another booking on the same day if s/he has to wait for the arrival of late & unwitting guests.)

8. If you're eloping, think about how you're going to announce your marriage. Some people use "wedding photo" postcards sent from their honeymoon. If you're going overseas and unless you post them from the airport as you leave, remember to take into consideration international potage times. It would be terrible to expect to come home to, "Congratulations!" only to get, "How was your flight?" You might consider announcing your marriage at an event sometime soon after your elopement, for example, a house warming, Christmas dinner or birthday gathering. This way the people closest to you get to feel included in your celebration and it gives them a chance to toast the happy couple.

Lastly, of course, however you plan your wedding day and however you choose to celebrate your love, have fun!